12 year old not doing homework
I suck at it. With my younger daughter to put to bed, Lily in a melt-down and me exhausted after a day at work, the tension was rapidly rising. But even if I could calm ourselves down , there was no end in sight. Or, should I tell her to put the books away, write a note to her teacher and just let her unwind and play in the lead-up to bedtime?
Son Lies and Says He Has No Homework or Teacher 'Lost' His Assignments!
My year-old son lies about his school work. When he wants to get out of doing homework, he says he doesn't have any or that he did it in school. When I look online to see if he is caught up, he tells me his teachers don't update the homework website. And if they email me about missing assignments, he tells me that they lost them.
This has gone on for months and even though we have met with his teachers, he is not doing better. Do you have any advice other than lecturing or punishing him, which don't work? In my book, I ask parents to think about homework in this way: Imagine that I get to choose your profession, and I've decided it will be doing taxes. You'll do taxes five days a week from eight in the morning till three in the afternoon, and then you'll do more tax work in the evening to "improve your skills.
If you hesitate, argue or try to trick me into believing you don't have any extra tax practice at the end of your long day, I will scold you for not having a good attitude.
If you complain about your tax work, I will lecture you and shame you if I don't think you're doing your best. Imagine how it feels to be a year-old juggling hormones, complicated social relationships and pressure from disappointed teachers and parents. Now consider the many reasons it might make sense for your year-old to attempt to trick you into believing that he has no homework.
If your son can talk himself into believing that there's even a slim chance that he can buy himself relief from the stress of focused work after school, he may throw caution to the wind and tell you he has no homework -- even at the expense of losing your trust and compromising his integrity by lying.
To be clear: I'm not suggesting that your son should be dishonest with you about his school work. But it will better position you to help him if you try to understand what is fueling his troublesome behavior, which will require imagining the situation from his perspective and then sitting down together for a heart-to-heart talk. Prepare to have a conversation with your son over the weekend not after school, when you're trying to get him to confess to having homework.
Do something to connect; go on a hike, bake a pie or play a card game. If you want to create genuine receptivity in your son -- which will be essential if you want to influence him to change his behavior -- you will need to start be connecting with him in a friendly way. After spending some enjoyable time together, say something like, "Honey, there's something I'd like to talk with you about.
Is now a good time? If he is resistant to talking, look for another time rather than forcing the issue. This may leave him a little perplexed why isn't mom trying to make me talk? If he does agree to talk, bring up your concerns in a way that makes it clear that you're on his side. I'm guessing it doesn't feel good to lie to me about whether you have homework, not to mention the fights we have when I find out! And I'm thinking you may be under a lot of pressure these days with everything.
How can I help? This kind of opening will help your son let down his guard and hopefully open him up to exploring what's really going on, encouraging him to work with you to change his behavior.
You can try to control your son, taking away things he cares about or threatening to remove privileges, but as you have discovered, this may simply make him become more sneaky. It is only when parents consider the why behind a child's upsetting behavior and then join with their child in a way that fosters safety and the sense that we're on their side that we can address their problems with them in a way that is clean and effective.
She is a family therapist, parent coach, and internationally recognized speaker on all subjects related to children, teens and parenting. To learn more, visit her Facebook page or sign up for her free newsletter and video tips. Do you have a question for the Parent Coach? Send it to askparentcoach gmail. News U. HuffPost Personal Video Horoscopes. Newsletters Coupons. Follow Us.
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For many parents, getting their kids to do their homework is a nightly struggle. The message to your child is, “You're not going to do anything anyway, so you Meet with the teachers at the beginning of the school year and stay in touch as I recommend an old-fashioned paper calendar simply because we already have. Many parents fight a daily battle with their children over doing homework. Over the years, I've talked to many parents who are in the trenches with their kids, Your child might forget to do his homework, do his homework but not hand it in, do.
Naturally, you might get anxious about this responsibility as a parent. You might also get nervous about your kids succeeding in life—and homework often becomes the focus of that concern. The battle about homework actually becomes a battle over control. Your child starts fighting to have more control over the choices in his life, while you feel that your job as a parent is to be in control of things. So you both fight harder, and it turns into a war in your home.
Our year-old son has resisted doing homework for some years now.
Instead of waging a nightly battle of wills with your kids over multiplication tables and verb conjugations, try tailoring your approach to their temperament. By Alison Masemann September 11, Is there any way to sidestep all the drama?
5 ways to end the homework battle for good
For many parents, getting their kids to do their homework is a nightly struggle. Some kids refuse to do their homework. So why is homework time so difficult? The learning is structured and organized, and all the students are focusing on the same thing. In his mind, home is a place to relax, have a snack, listen to music, and play video games.
“My Child Refuses to Do Homework” — How to Stop the Nightly Struggle Over School Work
What can I do to make him do his homework? But you must follow it completely. If you want to break habits, it will require change over time. Step 2: Every day make him sit at the kitchen table or somewhere you can see him with all of his books. Make him work for the entire 70 minutes. If he goes to the bathroom, stop the timer. Keep in mind the following:. Step 3: Stop looking up his homework for him on the websites. Let him write down his assignments in a notebook. Teenagers love to test your resolve.
Summer is over and schools are in session which means families are getting back into weeknight routines and dusting off their homework skills.
My year-old son lies about his school work. When he wants to get out of doing homework, he says he doesn't have any or that he did it in school.
Child Not Doing Homework? Read This Before You Try Anything Else
Your teenager has a science project due. He hates science. He hates projects as do you. Do you:. Set deadlines for him, get the necessary materials, lay them out on the table with some homemade chocolate chip cookies. That question is at the heart of her best-selling book, The Gift of Failure. She realized not long ago that something was wrong with her parenting and something was amiss with the middle-school students she taught. They wilted in the face of challenge. Parents took bad grades personally. Everyone was unhappy. Lahey cites the work of Wendy Grolnick, a psychologist, who puts pairs of mothers and children in a room and videotapes them as they play.
12 year old WON'T do homework
September 2, by middleearthnj. Some teens are naturally motivated and others are not. Some teens are able to succeed at school with ease, and others struggle. But, what is a parent to do when their teen simply refuses to do homework or is suddenly failing a class? Experts recommend parents work to discover the root cause and creatively problem solve with their teen. Ask Your Teen. Most of the time, parents feel a little shocked when they are confronted with a school problem. Maybe your teen has outright refused to do any work, or maybe you received a notice from the teacher, or maybe you got a disappointing surprise on their interim report.
